Business English Tip of the Week: Business Writing

Replace these wordy phrases with their concise alternatives.

You should also watch out for redundancies like these below. Don't repeat yourself!

Emailing Someone who Doesn't Know You

There are a few important points to consider when writing email, especially when emailing someone who doesn't know you.

Once you have exchanged emails with a person on a given subject, it is probably OK to leave greetings out of your follow-up emails. Here are some other points to consider about continuing email conversations:

Use a dash to indicate a change of thought, or to highlight and give greater importance to additional information inserted in a sentence

A dash can also be used to set off information at the end of a sentence.

Brackets (.....)

Use brackets ("parentheses" in US English) to lessen the impact of related information that is added to a sentence. The added information should not be as important as the information in the sentence.

Note: Use commas instead of brackets to set apart information that is about as important as the information in the sentence itself.

Brackets are also used if you give a lengthy name of a company or document, and then give the abbreviation, for example, Employees Assistance Program (EAP). The brackets should enclose the abbreviated form when it first appears. You can then refer to the abbreviated form only, without brackets, throughout the rest of the letter. This is one way you can use abbreviations in your letter and be certain your reader knows their meaning.

Have you ever received a letter or email where the sentences go on and on, one after the other in a stream, with only commas to separate them? These sentences often contain a number of points, some of which might be related. This makes them difficult to read and understand. Here's an example of an email we received from one of our subscribers:

With one idea in each clear, concise sentence, the message might read like this:

We did include more than one idea in two sentences so the message would not sound choppy. But they were closely related ideas.

So, the message here is: include only one idea in each sentence. Sometimes, it's acceptable to include two ideas in a sentence but only if they are closely related.

Nowadays, business writers prefer simplicity over complexity. The punctuation and layout style preferred is the one that is the easiest and quickest to create. And it's the one that takes up the least thought.

Writers today tend to use OPEN PUNCTUATION and FULL BLOCKED LAYOUT STYLE.

Open Punctuation

In an Open Punctuation Style letter there is:

• No punctuation at the end of lines in the inside address
  
• No punctuation following the salutation and complimentary closing
  
• No punctuation following references, enclosures, copies, etc.

Full Blocked Layout Style

When using a full blocked layout style in a business letter there is:

• No indentation of the salutation and complimentary closing
  
• No indentation in the paragraphs of the letter
  
• No indentation to the date, reference, enclosures, copies, etc.

In this style, the only part of the letter that is centred is the company letterhead.

Sample Letter

Here's an example of a business letter with open punctuation and full blocked layout style.

Nice

Got

OK

Overused words should be avoided because you can usually another word that is more precise and closer to the meaning you intended. Compare the sentence above with those below:

Words to replace nice

Words to replace got

Words to replace OK

So using vague words like nice, got and OK could be considered lazy in certain contexts. Think about what you really mean and try to use more precise language.

A Word of Warning

Many people use spell checkers on their word processors. Although these can help, they also have limitations. For example, some English words have more than one correct spelling. For example, 'there' and 'their' are both correct, but you need to check that you have the right spelling.

Another problem with spell checkers is that they are set by default to either British or American English spelling. It doesn't matter which spelling system you choose, as long as you are consistent in your choice. For example, if your spell checker is set to an American English spelling system and you type the word "organisation", the word is shown as a spelling error. British English speakers normally (but not always) spell "organisation" with an 's'. If you are writing in British English, change the default setting so that your checker allows words such as "organisation".

Editing Tips

Read your writing out aloud. This will help you to see what you have written through the eyes of your reader. Is there enough punctuation in your sentences? If you get breathless when you read one of your sentences, then you'll know you haven't put in enough commas.

Get a friend or a colleague to read through your writing for you - they might find something that you didn't see.

If you have enough time, leave your writing for a couple of days. When you come back to it, you might want to change some things.

Be aware of your own problems when you write English. For example, if you know you have difficulty with articles or verb tenses, actively look for these sort of errors when you check your writing.

Check for style and tone. Is your writing polite? There are many standard phrases we use in business correspondence to sound polite. Politeness goes a long way in Western business and sounding too direct or impolite is a cultural mistake. English speakers may not take into consideration the fact that English is not your first language.

Editing Checklist

• Is it clear?
• Does the reader know what to do next?
• Is it concise and to the point?
• Is it organised?
• Are the ideas, sentences and paragraphs linked?
• Is it simple enough?
• Is it polite enough?
• Is the layout easy to read?
• Are the standard expressions correct?
• Is the punctuation correct?
• Is the grammar correct? Check your articles, verb tenses, subject and verb agreement, referencing and spelling.
  

1. Lack of clear objective

The first mistake is made before you even start writing. Many people start to write without asking themselves What do I want to say? or Who am I writing for? If you don't have a clear objective, your reader may not know what your text is about.

2. No planning

Planning is crucial to good writing. If you write down your ideas in the order you think of them, your text will be disjointed and haphazard. The better organised the text, the more likely your reader will understand it.

3. Lack of cohesion

It's important to "signal" - to show your reader which "direction" you are taking. Basically, the more you can link your sentences, ideas and paragraphs, the easier it is for your reader to follow your ideas. Using linking words and phrases helps your reader to keep up with you.

4. Unclear or overlong sentences

English-speaking business culture values brevity over rhetoric. So using more words than necessary could mean that your key message gets buried in a mass of words. Writing clearly and concisely is vital if you want your writing to have a chance of being read and understood.

5. Inappropriate style

Your choice of style is governed by your purpose in writing and your relationship with your reader. Get the level of formality wrong, and you risk causing offence. Once you have decided your objective, you can also think about the complexity of the language you will use, as well as the type of vocabulary and style.

6. Inappropriate tone

Related to style is using the right tone of voice with your reader. If you appear rude when you write, you are less likely to get the results you want.

7. Incorrect grammar

Bad grammar can obscure your meaning and lead to confusion or misunderstandings. Proofreading can often help you to identify any errors, but learning to write accurately is fundamental to good business communication.

8. Incorrect punctuation

The wrong punctuation can make your writing difficult to read, or even lead to misunderstandings. Punctuation is an area that both native and non-native speakers of English get wrong, but there are some relatively clear rules to help you present your ideas more clearly.

9. Poor text layout

Dense blocks of text, no spacing or margins, or too much spacing all make your writing visually difficult to read. Paying attention to how something looks on the page will mean your writing has a better chance of being read.

10. Incorrect standard phrases

There are certain standard phrases in business writing, and using the wrong conventional expressions can make you look amateur or unprofessional. For instance, the next time you write to a woman, make sure you don't unintentionally insult her by writing Dear Miss, Dear Mrs, Dear Lady or even worse, Dear Madame.

1. Addressing letters, "Dear Sir" or "Dear Sirs" As you know, many readers today are women. If gender is unclear, the salutation should be something like "Dear Personnel Manager," or "Dear Human Resources Manager."

2. Addressing letters, "To whom it may concern." Find out who will receive the correspondence, and address it personally. We received a letter addressed to "Dear Whomever," to which we replied, "I'll answer to anything but this!"

3. Enclosing a photo. Forget the photo unless you're a model or an aspiring actor.

4. Handwriting or typing over an old resume or letterhead. If you've moved, start again. Changes on old documents aren't acceptable.

5. No signature. Even if you type your name at the end of correspondence, you should sign the page in your own handwriting to give it a personal touch.

6. Spelling errors. One applicant said he was well suited for "writting and editing chores... contac t me at the adrwss below." Would you give him your editing work? Another writer said she would enjoy "hearing form us." Word processing spell checkers make mistakes; so proof everything.

7. Handwriting letters. Brief 30-word thank you notes can be handwritten, if legible. All other correspondence should be typewritten or word-processed, even if you have to borrow a word processor or pay a secretarial service. Handwritten letters don't say "business."

8. FAXing letters unexpectedly.

9. Forgetting to include your phone number. One woman wrote, "Please call me at home," but didn't include a phone number. That looked bad.

10. Cluttered design. Some job seekers feel the urge to "be creative" using various type sizes and fonts. Avoid this in business correspondence. Except in rare cases, business letters should look conservative. If you want to be creative, do so in your choice of words. Save Microsoft Publisher and Photoshop for your Christmas cards!

11. Using a post office box as an address. Except in rare cases, such as conducting a confidential job search, use a street address. Post office boxes seem "transient."

12. Strange phrasing, such as "an opportunity to expand my strengths and delete my weaknesses... " Or, "You may feel that I'm a tad overqualified." Or, "Enclosed herewith please find my resume." Do you talk that way? You should write in the way you talk. Avoid bad phrasing by having others critique your letters.

13. Typing errors, like "thankyou for your assistance."

14. Mailing form letters. Some letters contain "fill in the blanks." Generic forms don't work well.

15. Not saying enough. One want cover letter read, "Please accept my enclosed resume for the position of Executive Director. Thank you." That's too short. A letter is an opportunity to sell. So say something about yourself.

16. Ending with "Thank you for your consideration." EVERYONE ends their letters this way, so please don't. Try something different, like "I'm excited about talking further," or "I know I could do a good job for you." The same goes for "Sincerely," and "Sincerely yours." EVERYONE uses them. Find something different like "Good wishes," "With best regards," or "With great enthusiasm."

17. WRITING IN ALL CAPS. IT'S HARD TO READ. DON'T DO IT.

18. Abbreviating Rep., Ave., Dec., and all other words. Take time to spell words out. It looks so much better.

19. Forgetting to enclose your resume. If you say you're enclosing one, then do.

20. Justifying right margins. When you "justify right," you create large gaps between words inside your sentences.

21. Forgetting the date and/or salutation.

22. Using dot matrix printers. Most are hard to read and they make you look like an engineer. Whenever possible, use a laser printer, even if you have to borrow one.

23. Talking nonsense. "I work in instilling proper conduits for mainstream educational connections while also encouraging individual creative forms." What? Write in plain, modern English.

24. Forgetting to put the letter in the envelope.

25. The 300-word paragraph. The worst mistake in marketing is writing too long. Limit sentences to ten or twenty words, and limit paragraphs to four or five lines. In letter writing, short is usually better. Try to limit your letters to one page.

There are different types of reports and different ways of structuring them. Report writing can be very technical, but here we will show you a model for structuring a formal business report.

How many sections?

Most reports include the following sections:

• Title
• Abstract
• Introduction
• Method
• Results
• Discussion
• Conclusions
• References
• Appendices

1. Title

• This should be short and precise. It should tell the reader of the nature of your research.
• Omit any unnecessary detail e.g. ‘A study of….’ is not necessary.

2. Abstract

The abstract is a self-contained summary of the whole of your report. It will therefore be written last and is usually limited to one paragraph. It should contain:

• An outline of what you investigated (as stated in your title)
• Why you chose to look at that particular area with brief reference to prior research done in the field
• Your hypothesis (prediction of what the results will show)
• A brief summary of your method
• Your main findings and how these relate to your hypothesis
• A conclusion which may include a suggestion for further research

3. Introduction

The introduction ‘sets the scene’ for your report; it does this in two ways:

• By introducing the reader in more detail to the subject area you are looking at
• Through presenting your objectives and hypotheses

Explain the background to the problem with reference to previous work conducted in the area.

Briefly discuss the findings and how these connect with your research.

Finally, state your aims or hypothesis.

4. Method

The method section should describe every step of how you carried out your research in sufficient detail so that the reader understands what you did. Information on your experimental design, sampling methods, participants, and the overall procedure employed should be clearly specified.

This information is usually presented under the following sub-headings:

• Objective
• Design
• Participants
• Procedure(s)

5. Results

Your results section should clearly convey your findings. These are what you will base your commentary on in the discussion section, so the reader needs to be certain of what you found.

• Present data in a summarised form
• Raw data

Do not over-complicate the presentation and description of your results. Be clear and concise.

• Describe what the results were, don’t offer interpretations of them
• Present them in a logical order
• Those that link most directly to your hypothesis should be given first

Presenting Data in Tables and Graphs

• Do not present the same data in two or more ways i.e. use either a table or a graph, or just text.
• Remember that a graph should be understandable independently of any text, but you may accompany each with a description if necessary.
• Use clear and concise titles for each figure. Say which variables the graph or table compares.
• Describe what the graph or table shows, then check that this really is what it shows! If it isn’t, you need to amend your figure, or your description.

6. Discussion

The discussion section is the most important part of your report. It relates the findings of your study to the research that you talked about in your introduction, thereby placing your work in the wider context. The discussion helps the reader understand the relevance of your research. This is your chance to discuss, analyse and interpret your results in relation to all the information you have collected.

The Discussion will probably be the longest section of your report and should contain the following:

• A summary of the main results of your study
• An interpretation of these results in relation to your aims, predictions or hypothesis, e.g. if your hypothesis is supported or rejected, and in relation to the findings of other research in the area
• Consideration of the broader implications of your findings.

7. Conclusions

The conclusion section briefly summarises the main issues arising from your report

8. References

• Give details of work by all other authors which you have referred to in your report
• Check a style handbook or journal articles for variations in referencing styles

9. Appendices

The appendices contain material that is relevant to your report but would disrupt its flow if it was contained within the main body. For example: raw data and calculations; interview questions; and a glossary of terms, or other information that the reader may find useful to refer to. All appendices should be clearly labelled and referred to where appropriate in the main text (e.g. ‘See Appendix A for an example questionnaire’).

In this week's tip, we'll give you some useful advice on how to improve your writing.

• Time spent on planning your communications will pay dividends. Make a rough draft of what you want to write or say, so that you can experiment with various versions. Remember that language is important because the words you choose convey your attitudes as well as information. The impression you want to convey is one of helpfulness and efficiency.
• Get to the point from the beginning. Cut the small talk and make a good impression by being crisp and business like. Make it clear from the start exactly what you want to discuss. Letters that do not do this waste the readers’ time and may end up in the waste bin. Presentations that do not grip their audience by focusing their attention quickly risk losing that attention.
  
• Use straightforward language rather than jargon. People prefer to be treated as human beings, not computers! Technical language has its place, but it is impersonal and should be used only when necessary. Remember that business is promoted by personal warmth as much as profit.
• Use sentences that are short and to the point, not sentences that ramble on and cannot quite decide what they want to say or how to say it - like this one!
  
• Steer clear of the passive voice, since it is an indirect way of speaking and creates distance between you and your audience or reader. For example, if you say, “We will attend to your order promptly,” that promotes more confidence than if you say, “Your order will be attended to soonest.” This lacks the personal touch and may give the impression that you do not want to accept responsibility at work.
  
• It is very important that you think about the audience you are writing or speaking to and make a real effort to communicate with them. If you are speaking to people, you need to be flexible and aware of their reaction, so that you can change the way you are speaking if they are not responding to you positively. If you are writing to a business associate and you have a mental picture of him or her, you will write more clearly and directly. Your letter will reach out to them and engage their attention.
  
• Incorrect spelling makes a poor impression. If you are unsure about the spelling of any words you have used it is worth the trouble of running a spell check on your computer. However, computer dictionaries are often limited and therefore many technical terms may still need to be checked manually. A more serious shortcoming is that the computer accepts any word it knows regardless of whether it has the meaning you intended. If you write, “Make a tough draft,” but meant “rough”, your computer will not pick this up. This is one reason why it is better to have your documents checked by professionals.
  
• Correct grammar is as important as spelling. Some word processors now have grammar checkers that operate in the same way as spell checkers. These can be used as a last resort, but they are still very basic (stupid!) and miss many mistakes. Moreover, they query many constructions that are perfectly in order. This wastes your time and it would be better to have someone with good grammar have a look at your work.
  
• Finally, always read carefully through a talk or business document to check for typographical and other errors. Are the facts and dates accurate? Reading aloud is a good idea, because you can hear how the communication sounds: the ear provides a crosscheck for what the eye may have missed.

The important elements of the good news/bad news letter are structure and tone.

The structure has four parts:

(1) an opening paragraph of good news
(2) the bad news
(3) a solution
(4) an expression of goodwill.

The opening paragraph should prepare your reader by reinforcing with good news. Try to say something positive about your past experience with the company, individual or product. Good news sets the stage and puts the reader on your side.

The body of the letter should explain the bad news. Be clear about the problem. Give as much detail as the reader needs, but don't tell the reader anything she doesn't care about or need to know.

Paragraph three should offer a solution to the problem. Do you want a refund, an exchange, a credit to your charge account? When you offer a solution, you save the reader time. She doesn't have to call you to find out how you would like the problem settled.

End the letter with an expression of confidence in the problem being solved. Remember that the person to whom you are writing is not responsible for creating the problem. She didn't design, manufacture, package, ship or deliver your purchase.

The tone of the letter is important. Sound objective. Explain the facts without being judgmental. Don't blame the reader for the problem. Avoid the personal pronoun "you." Use passive voice rather than active voice.

Instead of saying "You sent me the wrong part," try "The wrong part was sent to me," or "I received the wrong part." The tone should focus on the problem, not who was responsible for the error.

Be tactful and diplomatic. If you sound angry or rude, you will not encourage the reader to solve your problem quickly.

Here's an example of the good news/bad news letter.

In this week's Business English tip, we'll point out a few words and phrases which are best avoided in business writing. Remember that your aim is to get your message across to your reader clearly and concisely. Try to use language which will not cause confusion.

And also

This is often redundant. Use and on its own and omit also.

As to whether

The single word whether means the same thing as as to whether.

Basically, essentially, totally

These words seldom add anything useful to a sentence. Try the sentence without them and, almost always, you will see the sentence improve.

Being that or being as

These words are a non-standard substitute for because or since . For example, we can write Being that they were old customers, we gave them special credit terms as Because they were old customers, we gave them special credit terms.

Due to the fact that

Using this phrase is a sure sign that your sentence is in trouble. Did you mean because or since?

Equally as

Something can be equally important or as important as, but not equally as important.

He/she

He/she or is a convention created to avoid sexist writing, but it doesn't work very well and it becomes annoying if it appears often. Use he or she or use the plural (where appropriate) so you can avoid the sexist problem altogether.

Firstly, secondly, thirdly, etc.

Number things with first, second, third, etc. and not with these adverbial forms.

Got

Many writers regard got as an ugly word, and they have a point. If you can avoid it in writing, do so. For example: I have got to must begin studying right away. And: I have got two meetings this afternoon.

Kind of or sort of

These are OK in informal situations, but in more formal documents use somewhat, rather or quite instead. For example: We were kind of rather pleased with the results.

You can use numbers or bullet points in your vertical lists. Vertical lists are a great way of presenting more complex information clearly. Here we're just going to show you three types of bulleted lists. The differences between the three types lie in the way the lists are punctuated.

Type 1

The initial phrase is a complete sentence but ends with a colon (:) to show that a list follows. Each point in the list is a complete sentence, so it starts with a capital letter and ends with a full stop.

Type 2

The initial phrase is a complete sentence but ends with a colon (:) to show that a list follows. Each point in the list is short (a phrase) and so the points do not start with a capital letter and only the last point has a full stop.

Type 3

The initial phrase is a complete sentence but ends with a colon (:) to show that a list follows. Each point in the list is part of a continuous sentence. The points do not start with capital letters and there is a semi-colon (;) separating each point. Before the last point there is 'and' to show that it is part of a continuous sentence.

With this type of list, be careful that the points coming after the introduction are grammatically consistent. Take a look at the following example of a grammatically inconsistent list.

This list is incorrect because you need another 'who' in the third point to make a grammatically consistent sentence.

This list is correct because "who live", "who are" and "who have" are all plural endings to match 'people'. The list is grammatically consistent.